Happy for Someone Else’s Happiness for You
There are many levels of happiness. The basic level is happiness for the good we receive from G-d. The next level is the happiness we feel for the good that others receive. A higher level is the happiness we feel for the happiness of others. The highest is the happiness we feel when others feel happiness for us.
HAPPY FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S HAPPINESS FOR
YOU
Why so Confident?
Our Matriarch Sarah at the age of ninety bears her first child! Not only was she well beyond childbearing age, but even when she was young she was lacking the reproductive mechanism for her to give birth at any time. One can only imagine the joy Sarah experienced at the miraculous birth of her son Isaac, whose very name means laughter and joy. This incident which comprised multiple miracles and the source of her incredible joy is described as follows in this week’s parsha:
“Sarah said, “G-d has made me happy! Whoever hears will be happy for me.”
Why was Sarah so confident that all those who would hear of here miracle would rejoice for her?
Rashi, quoting the Midrash, anticipated this question and clarifies why so many people would rejoice for Sarah:
“Many barren women were remembered with her, many sick people were healed on that very day; many prayers were answered with hers, and there was much joy in the word.”
In other words, on that very day that G-d performed the miracle and she gave birth to a child, many other women who were childless also had children. Moreover, all those who were in need of anything were helped. Hence they were happy, indirectly, because of her miracle.
Rashi reaches this conclusion based on the assumption that it was unlikely that given the moral level of humanity at that time that everyone would rejoice for Sarah’s sake. Hence Rashi (and the Midrash) conclude that when Sarah’s miracle occurred so did similar miracles occur for others. As a result everyone was happy.
One could wonder why it was so important that everyone be happy at that time.
Going out of Your Own Shell
Ksav Sofer (a nineteenth century Sage) explains that righteous people of the caliber of Sarah are not happy when something good happens to them that is denied others. Only when others are granted the same blessing do the truly righteous feel good about their own good fortune. Hence, only after everyone experienced a similar result as she was Sarah completely happy as well.
And this is presumably the meaning of the phrase:, “G-d has made me happy! Whoever hears will be happy for me.” “Sarah was in effect saying: “What has made me happy: “The fact that whoever hears will be happy.”
To be sure, Sarah would have been thrilled and grateful for having a child even if no other person was similarly blessed. But her joy would have not been complete.
True Joy
The rationale for this is based on the understanding of true joy. When a person is self-absorbed he or she is always focused on what he or she is missing. People have great expectations of what they deserve and what they were denied.
Only when we are able to go out of our own shell and focus on the needs of others can we feel true joy because we live for others. Indeed, we are happy no matter how G-d deals with us because we don’t expect to get more; whatever we receive we feel is a gift and rejoice with it. However, our joy is marred by the absence of these gifts to others. But when we see how others are likewise blessed our joy is now double joy: joy for the other and also joy for our own blessing.
Why “for Me”?
However, there is still some difficulty here. If our premise was that people would not be happy for Sarah; rather their joy was caused by their own personal miracles that they experienced, why does the Torah state: “whoever hears will be happy for me.” Why “for me?” Their happiness was for themselves!
Upon further reflection there is even a more profound lesson about the greatness of Sarah and how we should experience true happiness.
When Sarah’s miracle of childbirth extended to other barren women, her joy was magnified because of the joy that they experienced. Initially they were happy because they experienced their own personal miracle. To them it was not in any way connected to her miracle. The fact that they had this miracle happening at the same time that a great miracle occurred with Sarah was to them perhaps a mere coincidence. Perhaps they were not even aware of her miracle. Nonetheless, Sarah was ecstatic that G-d had performed these miracles for others and that she was not the only one to enjoy G-d’s beneficence.
It Rubbed Off
But, after these people began to reflect on the kindness G-d had shown them, and after they had heard about the unparalleled miracle that Sarah experienced, they realized that it was not a coincidence. They realized that their good fortune was a consequence of Sarah’s miracle. Sarah as the righteous and holy woman she served as a conduit of G-d’s blessings to the entire world. And the more people realized the connection between their blessing and Sarah’s the more they began to rejoice at her miracle. They began to feel a kinship to her and a sense of joy at her good fortune began to permeate them.
In other words, Sarah’s trait of wanting to share her blessings with others eventually rubbed off on them. They too began to feel good because of her blessings.
At this point, Sarah’s joy was also magnified. Now she was happy not only because of her miracle. Not only was she happy because G-d showered His miracles and kindness on others as well. She was also overjoyed that the other recipients of G-d’s blessings had matured to the point that they were happy for her sake!
Now we can understand the Sarah’s statement: “G-d has made me happy! Whoever hears will be happy for me.” Sarah’s happiness at this point was due to the fact that others were also happy and that their happiness was because she was blessed; a mature happiness.
Reaching the Number 50
One of the human frailties that will be corrected in the Messianic Age is our self-centeredness. We are so self-absorbed that we do not appreciate our blessings. Even the miracles that abound in our lives do not induce much joy.
Even when we do feel good about our blessings we think solely of our own good fortune we can often disregard the plight of others. We may not be bothered by their suffering or uplifted by their salvation. This is a symptom of exile.
In a state of Redemption we will always count our blessings and rejoice for them. Moreover, our joy will be enhanced when we realize that others were also rewarded with goodness. But our joy will be complete when we see, as Sarah did, how others have grown to appreciate the good fortune of others as well.
Thus the Psalmist declares: “Then our mouths will be filled with laughter.” And, indeed, the very name Isaac is in the future tense: “Then he shall laugh.” No matter how much we can rejoice for the other there are two impediments for our joy to be complete:
First, there are so many who are still suffering and stymied in exile. There is so much pain and anguish for all sorts of reasons. By definition, no one’s joy can be complete as long as exile with its attendant suffering persists.
Second, the fact that G-d’s presence is filtered and obscured in exile and we are not capable of experiencing the full expression of G-dliness, then we cannot totally transcend ourselves.
Even the great Tzadik is constrained by exile. The one who has reached the penultimate level of 49 gates of understanding finds himself or herself locked into that state and yearns to attain the ultimate 50th level. He is sick with love and passion to experience all of G-d’s glory.
The word for “sick” in Hebrew “choleh” has the numerical value of 49. The tzadik is therefore also constrained and therefore his joy is marred, not only because he suffers along with others who suffer, nut because he himself is sick with love.
Thus Moshiach contains the letters yismach; he shall rejoice, because Moshiach will unveil the 50th level which will usher in an age of total freedom from all suffering because G-d’s glory will heal all of the world’s ailments from the literal forms of illness and pain, including the removal of the pain upon reaching the elusive 50th level.
Moreover, the letters of Moshiach can also spell yiamach, which means he will bring joy to others. Whatever holy, unmitigated joy he will experience he will shower on others; we too shall bask in the light and joy of the 50th gate of understanding!
From the book Light from the Future: Parshas Vayeira by Rabbi Heschel Greenberg, published by the Jewish Discovery Center.
