Reflections
Even when we are justified in our anger against another, we must never allow that anger to seethe in us. The anger should be directed into a course of action how to correct the mistakes of the other, but never should the anger be allowed to remain in our conscious and even subconscious mind. By expunging any and every trace of hatred towards our brothers and sisters, we will also make it easier to have them get rid of their negative energy. This will then have a ripple effect on the entire world.
Mutual Feelings
Jacob, at the behest of his mother, put on a disguise, and misrepresented himself to his father Isaac, who wanted to bless Esau before his death. Instead, he gave the blessings to Jacob, thinking he was really Esau.
Understandably, Esau was upset at having been cheated out of the blessings that he imagined belonged to him. But Esau was not just upset; he plotted to murder his brother Jacob.
When Rebecca discovered how Jacob’s life was in danger, she sent him away to her brother Laban.
Rebecca advised Jacob to stay with Laban: “until your brother’s fury turn away; until your brother’s anger turn away from you, and he forget that which you have done to him.”
Commentators wonder why Rebecca repeated the words “until your brother’s anger turn away from you”?
One answer is that just as Esau hated Jacob, Jacob also harbored negative feelings towards Esau. And, indeed, Jacob’s feelings were justified in light of Esau’s blatant rejection of all the moral teachings for which his parents and grandparents stood.
And while Esau’s hatred was understandable it was unjustified. Jacob had indeed purchased the “birthright” which meant that he was legally the rightfully Isaac’s sole heir. Esau had rejected all that being the first born son stood for. The distress he caused his parents caused Jacob to harbor negative feelings towards Esau.
So when Rebecca told Jacob to go to her brother Laban, her motive was twofold: First she wanted him to be far from Esau, lest he carry out his evil designs against Jacob.
But Rebecca also wanted to heal Jacob’s negativity towards Esau. The distance between Jacob and Esau would give them both time to “chill out” and allow their feelings to subside.
His Anger will Subside when Yours Does
There was still a problem. Granted, the distance between them would heal the wounds caused by Esau’s behavior, but there is another type of hatred that is generated by the negative feelings that Esau harbored against him. As the wisest of all men declared, “As water reflects the image of a face, so the heart of man corresponds to the heart of his fellow man” (Proverbs 27:19). This suggests that when a person has negative feelings towards another, that individual will likewise experience negative feelings towards the other.
By taking leave of Esau, Rebecca advised Jacob to flee to Laban and stay there until Esau’s fury would cease.
But, Jacob asked his mother: “How will I know that Esau’s anger has subsided?”
His mother told him: “When the anger you carry will depart from you, then you can be sure that your brother Esau has forgotten what you did to him, and no longer has animosity against you.” As long as you have not expunged the negative feelings from your system, it will be reflected in Esau’s attitude towards you. Once you purify your heart, Esau’s heart will also soften.
Don’t Let the Anger Seeth
The Talmud relates that the reason we are in exile is because of the lack of love for our fellow Jew. The negative energy that is generated by the hatred and animosity that we see directed against one another prevents us from getting out of exile into a world of peace and holiness.
The way to change this is to begin with ourselves. Even if we were justified in our anger against another, we must never allow that anger to seethe in us. The anger should be directed into a course of action how to correct the mistakes of the other, but never should the anger be allowed to remain in our conscious and even subconscious mind.
By expunging any and every trace of hatred towards our brothers and sisters, we will also make it easier to have them get rid of their negative energy. This will then have a ripple effect on the entire world.
This doesn’t mean that we should never take strong action to defend ourselves, change the other person, etc. when it is possible to do so. And we are not talking about the vile anti-Semites that threaten the existence of the Jewish people. It does mean that when we’ve exhausted all other avenues—or alongside them—to change the attitudes of others towards us, we ought to cleanse ourselves of those negative feelings.
Putting the above in a more positive light:
The positive energy that we generate by purging ourselves of negative thoughts about others, will prepare us for the Redemption, by making our hearts, minds and souls receptive to the revelation of G-dly light in the Messianic Age.
From the book Light from the Future: Parshas Toldos by Rabbi Heschel Greenberg, published by the Jewish Discovery Center.
