Two Strikes and You’re Out!

Kindness and faith are twin, complementary virtues. Faith engenders kindness and kindness makes us receptive to faith.

Lack of Compassion

This week’s parsha contains an assortment of commandments, more than in any other parsha in the Torah. Among them we find several that deal with the people and nations whom we are forbidden to marry. Two such nations were the ancient Biblical nations of Amon and Mo’ab:

In the Torah’s own words:

“An Amonite or Mo’abite may not enter the congregation of G-d. Even their tenth generation may not enter the congregation of G-d, because they did not greet you with bread and water on the road when you were leaving Egypt, and because they hired Bilam, the son of Be’or, from Pesor in Aram Nahrayim, against you, to curse you. But G-d your G-d did not want to listen to Bilam, and G-d your G-d transformed the curse into a blessing for you, because G-d your G-d, loves you.”

The import of this above prohibition of entering the congregation of G-d according to the Talmud is that an Amonite or Moabite can never marry a Jewish woman even if he converts. And the reason they were banned is because they did not provide us with food, and that they hired Bilam to curse us.

If this commandment would have been directed against any of the nations that tried to annihilate the Jewish people, or who actually killed great numbers of Jews, we could understand why we would never want to invite them into our family. However, it seems that the first crime associated with these two nations was simply a lack of compassion by not providing us with food and drink when we left Egypt. Why should that have prompted such a harsh reaction from the Torah?

True, the Torah also adds a second reason, that they hired Bilam to curse the Jewish people. However, cursing is not the same as killing them, as did so many other Biblical nations, beginning with the Egyptians, continuing with the Philistines, Assyrians and Babylonians, to name some of the most egregious perpetrators of violence against the Jewish people. Yet, nowhere does the Torah tell us not to marry members of these and other nations that harbor such contempt for us.

Why is not providing us with bread and water and asking Bilam to curse us sufficient a reason not to marry a member of these nations?

Another question can be raised: Why does the Torah continue with the words:

“But G-d your G-d did not want to listen to Bilam, and G-d your G-d transformed the curse into a blessing for you, because G-d your G-d, loves you?”

What does G-d loving us have to do with the prohibition of marrying Amonites and Moabites?

Combined Evil

One answer to the first question is that it was the combination of the two that demonstrated how evil they truly were. On the one hand, they were too cheap to provide bread and water to the Jews. Yet, on the other hand, they did not spare any expense when they hired Bilam to curse the Jews. Had they simply failed to show hospitality they could have argued that they could not afford to feed the Jews. But if that was true how could they afford to hire Bilam?

This explanation is still inadequate because even if they did show that they were willing to spend their money for evil purposes and not for good ones, it is not as bad as actually going out to physically harm others. Why then did these two nations deserve to be ostracized so severely? Why were they singled out for condemnation and banned from the Jewish community?

One Prerequisite

Perhaps the answer to this question is that to become part of the “congregation of G-d” one must have at least one redeeming virtue. There are some people whose faith in, and devotion to, G-d is lacking, but at least, they exhibit mentshlichkeit; they know how to get along well with others. They show compassion and kindness. And even if their display of kindness is because of social convention, good behavior for any reason is a positive trait that could eventually lead to a genuine sense of kindness.

On the other hand, there are some people who are not very good to others, but they have a deep spiritual side to them, in that they have strong faith in and reverence for G-d and pursue spiritual goals. Without getting into the debate as to the value of the emphasis on one without the other—for surely Judaism demands that we excel in both domains—it is clear that doing one is better than nothing. It is actually better than better-than-nothing, because a person of faith will eventually come to realize that the G-d he or she believes in and wants him or her to relate well with others.

Likewise, the person who is good to others shows a level of refinement that will make him or her ultimately receptive to the spiritual side of existence.

Moreover, our Sages tell us, “One Mitzvah brings another Mitzvah in its train.” This means simply that whenever we perform a Mitzvah—any Mitzvah—it will inevitably lead to the performance of yet another Mitzvah. Thus, a person, who is good in one area of Judaism, though deficient in another, has a redeeming virtue worthy of his acceptance into our family.

However, when a person lacks both of these characteristics in the extreme there is little hope that they will ever change.

By virtue of the Amonites and Moabites not offering bread and water they demonstrated that they lacked even the most minimal measure of kindness or compassion that would normally have been shown for people who were so oppressed. And even if they were inwardly insensitive, they could have, at least, feigned some measure of social consciousness by providing them with a token, a onetime gift of bread and water.

The fact that they could not even get themselves to perform a one-time act of kindness that was the socially accepted norm demonstrated that they were bereft of even a scintilla of kindness and compassion, inward or outward.

That alone would not have sufficed for the Torah to ban marrying an Amonite or Moabite. If they would have had a small measure of respect for G-d, it could have been the redeeming feature that would have made them eligible for marrying into the Jewish fold.

But, by hiring Bilam to curse the Jews they demonstrated that they had no respect for G-d as well. They were asking Bilam to invoke a curse upon whom G-d had showered so many blessings; on whom they knew were G-d’s chosen people, considering all the miracles He wrought for them of which they were well aware. They were thus demonstrating that they had no regard for G-d’s choice and the people whom He loved.

This explains why the Torah goes on to describe the love G-d had for the Jewish people. It was to underscore that their hiring of Bilam was not just a sign of cruelty. It was also a sign of how they had no respect for G-d, because they wanted Him to abandon His chosen people. How could they try to curse the Jews who were so blessed by G- d?

To do so was a sign that they were not just rotten in terms of their social responsibilities, but that they were degenerate in terms of their respect for G-d as well.

And the fact that they were devoid of both traits meant that they did not have any redeeming qualities. People who were so socially and spiritually compromised thus could not be allowed to enter into the family of a people whose mission is precisely the opposite: to provide others with their needs and to have a healthy respect for G-d’s creatures and particularly the ones whom He goes out of His way for.

Going Against Tradition

One could counter the above by citing numerous depraved and idolatrous peoples who exhibited no respect for other people or for G-d. What made the Amonites and Moabites so singularly deviant?

The answer is that even thought the idolaters had no respect for G-d it was due to their tradition. They were not worshipping idols to show contempt for the one G-d; they just had no knowledge of Him.

The Amonites and Moabites, however, were well aware of G-d’s existence and His love for the Jewish people; and yet they decided to use G-dly power—vested in Bilam—to attack G-d’s loved one. It is comparable to one who asks the servant of the king to give him the king’s own weapon with which to murder the king’s only son!

Didn’t Rub Off

Abraham, the first Jew went to the opposite extremes in both areas. He was the epitome of kindness, which he demonstrated through his obsession with hospitality for every person. Abraham represented the idea of hospitality in its maximal state.

Abraham was the epitome of faith and devotion to G-d, prepared to die and even sacrifice his beloved son for G-d.

Moreover, if we examine Abraham’s behavior more closely we see that the two areas of devotion were intertwined. Abraham loved and respected G-d so much that he argued for the Sodomite people by advancing the argument that it would be disrespectful to G-d to punish innocent people: “How can the judge of the entire world not do justice?” Abraham was prepared to do anything for G-d’s sake. His love for others was rooted in his love for G-d.

Anyone in whom these Abrahamic traits are completely absent even in their minimalist form cannot become part of the Jewish family. Moreover, their lack of the two “Abrahamic traits” was likely intertwined. They cynically attempted to use and abuse G-d’s power to harm the Jewish people Indeed, what makes the Amonite and Moabite behavior more reprehensible is that they were also related to Abraham. (Amon and Moab were the illegitimate children of Lot, Abraham’s nephew.) The fact that no part of Abraham’s twin virtues rubbed off on them indicated how far they were from these ideals and from becoming fullfledged members of the Jewish community.

Looking for a Partner

The lesson we learn from the above is obvious. When we look for a life’s partner, as indeed in all of our relationships, there are two things we should look for:

First, the person must be a good person, who has respect for the norms of a civilized society and, at the very least, acts kindly. Sustained kind behavior will ultimately lead to genuine feelings of kindness.

Second, the person has to have respect and love for those whom G-d loves and has chosen. When we show utter contempt for G-d’s children we are, in effect, showing contempt for G-d Himself.

These two traits: caring for others and respecting G-d are two intertwined characteristics that are crucial for our survival as a nation and the key for our future.

The Destruction of the Two Temples

When we lost our respect for our G-d in the first Temple era we lost that Temple. And with the loss of the Temple the Babylonian exile commenced.

When we as a nation failed to show sensitivity to one another, the Talmud states, we lost the Second Temple. And with the loss of that Temple we were driven into exile and endured close to two thousand years of suffering.

The means to get out of exile in all of its forms is to reinforce our concern for others as well as enhancing our relationship with G-d.

The Third Temple Moshiach will build is said to be a double consolation for the two Temples that we lost. The Third Temple will introduce an interwoven awareness of G- d and sensitivity to others. We will love others because our awareness of and love for G-d will be complete. And, conversely, our attachment to G-d will be greater because we will be whole, inasmuch as true peace, love and unity will prevail. G-d dwells and is manifest only when there is wholeness. Those twin conditions will exist because of the Third Temple that will be built by Moshiach who personifies those two traits in their most powerful form.

From the book Light from the Future: Parshas Ki Seitzei by Rabbi Heschel Greenberg, published by the Jewish Discovery Center.