The Five Mystical Dimensions of Marriage

Marriage is society’s most challenged institution. If people would only know the true value and the mystical significance of marriage, divorce would become close to obsolete.

Indescribable Joy

There is no institution in Judaism that is more important than marriage, the Biblical source of which is in this week’s Torah portion of Ki Seitzei.

A wedding is cause for great celebration, so much so, that the prophet Isaiah identifies the wedding as the “sound of joy and the sound of happiness; the sound of the bridegroom and the sound of the bride.”

The Talmud declares that there is great merit for one who participates in bringing joy to the newlyweds. “Whoever brings joy to the newlyweds” (that is expressed by the prophet with the word “sound” no less than five times)” the Talmud promises, “will merit the five sounds that are associated with the giving of the Torah.”

Some of the greatest and most dignified Sages of the past would do unconventional things such as juggling just to bring joy to the newlyweds.

Indeed, the unconventional joy displayed at a wedding is indicative that a wedding is an unconventional spiritual experience.

What is the reason for this great joy? What is so special about a wedding?

There are several ways of understanding the spiritual role of marriage in Jewish thought, all of which shed light on the simcha associated with a wedding.

In the spirit of the “five sounds” associated with a wedding, we will explore five of its dimensions that focus on five interrelated mystical aspects of a wedding.

An Invitation

Firstly, the marital bond is an invitation for G-d’s presence. The Talmud declares that the words איש Ish and אשה Isha, meaning man and woman, respectively, each contain the letters that form the Hebrew word for fire “אש aish.” In addition they jointly contain the two letters of G-d’s name: a yud and a hei. This is to teach us, the Talmud continues, that when a husband and wife are meritorious the Divine presence dwells between them.

When the husband and wife are single they each enjoy some G-dly energy. But when they join together at the marriage ceremony their intertwined souls have the capacity to access infinitely more G-dly light.

Because of the G-dly light that is unleashed in a marriage it is customary for the bridegroom to give his bride a ring. According to Jewish law any article of value would do, but Jewish custom is to use a ring specifically.

Many reasons have been advanced for this custom. In mystical tradition the reason for the ring is that it has no beginning and no end. It is a metaphor for the infinite light of G-d that is introduced into the lives of the newlyweds and through them channeled to the entire world.

A ring surrounds the finger. It is therefore the metaphor for the Divine Encompassing light that is so elusive that it can only “surround” us, as it were; it cannot be accessed and internalized no matter how spiritual we may be. And it is precisely this transcendent energy that is unleashed at a wedding. It certainly is cause for a reciprocal unconventional outpouring of joy.

Reunion

Secondly, as the Zohar explains, a husband and a wife, each possess only one half of their respective soul. At birth, the soul is divided into two components. These two “estranged” halves are only reunited in the process of marriage.

There can be no greater joy when two relatives find each other after decades of separation. And there can be no greater reunion of two relatives than the reunion with the other half of one’s own soul.

However, it is more than just a happy reunion. When we remain half souls we cannot fully fulfill the mission for which the soul descended into this world in the first place. Only when we find our bashert, the mate destined for us, can we achieve our life’s purpose.

To be sure, a person who legitimately remains single is not considered a defective or inferior human being. In those cases it is obviously G-d’s choice for the individual to work with only half of his or her potential. One person’s half soul can possess greater energy than another’s whole soul. It is in some ways a greater challenge and when met it may actually imply that this person is superior to others who are married. The foregoing is valid only when circumstances cause the person to be single. We must, however, consciously look to find our other half and reunite with it through marriage.

We can now understand the reason for the indescribable joy at having found our “other half.” It is more than just a reunion. It is the validation of our very existence in this world. There can be no greater joy for a mature person than to be secure in the knowledge that he or she has legitimacy, and that we have the full capacity to actualize the soul’s full potential.

The Cosmic Marriage

Thirdly, every marriage within the Jewish community is a reflection of a greater marriage that has taken place over three thousand years ago at Mount Sinai. Then, G-d chose the Jewish people and was wedded to them. The Torah was the wedding contract that outlines the obligations we, the “bride,” has to G-d, the “Bridegroom.”

When the Jewish nation stood at Mount Sinai, the Talmud tells us, G-d lifted the mountain and held it over their heads and “threatened” them: “If you won’t accept the Torah, you will be buried here.”

Chassidic literature explains that the mountain that hovered over our head was the chupah, the wedding canopy that symbolizes the home that will unite the new couple. The “threat” was actually the pressure G-d’s intense love for the Jewish nation had on “compelling” them to say yes. How could we refuse the Torah when G-d showered so much love on us?

This explains why the Talmud, cited above, connects the sounds of joy of a wedding with the sounds that reverberated at Sinai.

Our joy at the wedding is the joy we feel when we realize that it is a reenactment and invocation of G-d’s infinite love for us that is reflected in the love of the bride and the bridegroom.

Rapprochement

Fourthly, this relationship, however, soured at the time of the destruction of the two Temples in Jerusalem and the subsequent exile.

Every time a Jew marries, he or she is, in effect, reestablishing and reinforcing the marriage between ourselves and G-d. Every marriage represents an act of Divine reconciliation. And in this capacity it hastens the time when we will all see the total rebuilding and restoration of the third Beit HaMikdash-Holy Temple and the return of true and everlasting peace to the Jews in the Land of Israel and for the entire world.

The breaking of the glass at the wedding is generally understood as a way to temper our joy by reminding us of the destruction of the Temple and the suffering of the Jews in the ensuing exile. In truth, happily, it is also a statement that the wedding celebration helps to re-connect the broken pieces in our nation’s relationship with G-d.

There is a great outpouring of joy when a relationship that was challenged is allowed to heal.

A Taste of the Future

Fifthly, the wedding celebration provides us with a taste of the future Messianic Age at which time the marriage between G-d and His chosen people will be complete.

In some Midrashic sources, the marital relationship that commenced with Sinai was not consummated until the Holy Temple was built. In other sources, the consummation will only take place in the future Era of Redemption.

Every wedding affords us a glimpse and taste of the future.

When we see the joy that breaks out after the breaking of the glass we can only imagine how the entire world will break out in joyous celebration when we hear the sounds of the shofar heralding the coming of Moshiach and the onset of the Messianic Age.

Could there be any greater cause for celebration?

From the book Light from the Future: Parshas Ki Seitzei by Rabbi Heschel Greenberg, published by the Jewish Discovery Center.