Loving Yourself
Self-Esteem should be replaced with Soul-Esteem, the true self ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM
The Self-Esteem Industry
When the Torah commands us to “love your fellow as yourself,” it is self-understood that one must love oneself. It is also self-evident that the Torah, which addresses itself to the average person, assumes that the average person does, in fact, love himself or herself.
Yet, in our own day and age, an entire industry has been spawned to deal with multitudes that lack even basic “self-esteem.” It should also be noted, that with regard to the Jewish people in particular, our generation has witnessed an unprecedented manifestation of self-hatred on both the individual as well as on the communal and national level.
And the question can be raised, if a person has such a low regard, to the point of contempt, for himself or herself, how can they possibly love another?
ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM
Our True Self
In truth, a more basic set of questions must be raised:
First, how come people are so filled with hatred towards themselves?
And, secondly, why are we apparently seeing so much of this self-hating phenomenon in recent times?
To answer these twin questions, it must be stated at the outset that, by definition, one cannot possibly love oneself unless they also love the part of themselves that constitutes their true self.
For example, a person who suffers from amnesia, and knows that his new identity is not truly who he is, cannot really love his new identity. There will always be a gnawing need to discover his true self.
Another example closer to home: There were Jews who were taken away from their parents as little children, but who retained a vague memory of their childhood. There will frequently be a sense of a void in their lives; and only when they discover their true identity, will they feel good about themselves.
In a similar vein, we are much less aware of our own identity than our forebears. The material ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM resources we possess, the conflicts that arise from secular isms, the hedonistic and fleeting pleasures coupled with the sufferings that punctuate our lives, all serve to suppress awareness of our own inner soul. We are, literally, not in touch with who we are.
How can we love ourselves then, when we know that the “I” we are aware of is not the true I.
Ignorance of Self Leads to Fear
Lack of familiarity with someone can actually breed fear and then contempt; and so it is with our own estrangement from our souls. We begin to fear the G-dly spirit within us, shun it, deprive it of its needs and begin to abhor anything that reminds us of that “unknown” part of us—our neshama.
Thus, when the Torah exhorts us to “love our fellow as ourselves,” the Torah is actually telling us: Discover who you are! And when you know and become familiar with yourself, you will love it. And when you realize that your fellow possesses, basically, the same neshama as you; you cannot help but to love him or her as well.
ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM
Solely, Soul Esteem
Our generation would do well to deemphasize the obsession with self-esteem. One does not have to tell someone to love oneself, if they knew who that self is. Instead we should expend our energies on developing “soul-esteem,” learning to discover what is a neshama. Once we realize what we possess, nay who we are, the self-esteem and esteem of other will flow naturally.
Seeing the Light of Our Souls
As we have mentioned on so many occasions, it is clear from all of the Biblical, Talmudic etc. sources that we are living in momentous times: on the verge of witnessing the final Redemption. And precisely because we are so close to the light we see so much darkness and alienation, just as before the light of dawn it is very dark. All of this provides us with the final challenge to us: to break through the darkness and concealment.
One area of darkness, arguably more relevant and powerful than any other, is the darkness that prevents us from knowing our souls. Redemption on the individual level, which feeds into and is the catalyst for universal Redemption, is when we ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM acquire self-identification and love; when we become acutely aware of our souls and its needs. This, in turn, will lead us to a world of peace, because it will be pervaded with the realization of its neshama, G-d, within all of creation.
ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM
ACHAREI-KEDOSHIM
From the book Light from the Future: Parshas Acharei-Kedoshim by Rabbi Heschel Greenberg, published by the Jewish Discovery Center.
